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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Update 4 from Travis

Here is the new update from Travis:

I am going to be arrested when I get back.

Probably within the first few days. As soon as I get in a car, I will probably get pulled over, slam
med onto the hood, handcuffed, and put in a holding cell with a gold tooth hooker and a foul smelling man named Jim.

I know this because I drive here. Officers don't normally drive. Whether because they don't have licenses for that vehicle or do paperwork on the way or prefer to be chauffeured like Mrs. Daisy, I don't know. I, however, prefer to drive. That way, when I am narrowly squeeze between a dump truck and a bus on a single lane dirt road going 35 mph, dodging goats and potholes and woman with small cars balanced on their heads, I don't crap my pants. My truck commander (TC, basically the person riding shotgun, who is normally me) does. I see it coming and expect
it and react to it. He, however, is subconsciously pressing the brake with both feet and leaning to the left, so not to be bludgeoned by the 13.5 feet of metal sticking out the back of a truck. I have literally reached out and touched the vehicle next to me, without even getting past my elbow. Sometimes we pull the mirrors in to avoid smacking other vehicles with them. Sometimes we forget.

The roads here are pure insanity. Speed is not the issue. You could be going 10 mph and fear for your life. Other drivers will pass you, horns blaring, on the median, in four lanes of rush hour traffic on a two lane road, IF there is a break in the oncoming traffic longer than the length of your vehicle. Not a car length or two, but six inches or so. Just enough to get their nose back in. If there is no break, they will drive in the grass/dirt/sidewalk to the right of you. I once watched a tiny little c
ompact car with what looked like four of the donut spare tires, drive on the right to pass, in the dirt. And that's not all. He had to drive over an extremely steep incline, which, instead of trying to cut back in, he proceeded to drive up. His little car was at, I swear, 60 degrees tilted to the left. I thought he was going to roll right over. He did, however, make it, and proceeded way up in the line of traffic and cut back in. So I did the only prudent thing at the moment. I followed suit. After the hill.

I've mentioned this before, but road rules are iffy at best. I see people stop at street lights, but if there no traffic, the horn blares and they just drive on through. THAT is nice. We should do that in the USA. Stop signs exist, but for what purpose, I don't know. Everyone blows right through them
, including me (horns blaring, of course). Two lane roads are easily four lanes of traffic, often three one way and one the other, or four one way and everyone passing in the dirt. Drivers will drive straight at you with abandon. I had to stop and stare at a driver stopped in my lane, right in front of me, trying to cut back in. No one would let him in for a bit, so we just sat there and stared. There is no need for dotted or solid lines to mark lanes. There are no lanes. You drive around huge potholes, no matter what side of the street you have to do it on.

Motorcycles are everywhere. EVERYWHERE! You can't see them, but they are pretty adept at weaving through traffic and avoiding getting hit. And often carrying multiple people. Multiple being 5-10, not 2. I saw a guy today holding some pigeon by both wings in one hand, racing down the street on a motorcycle/scooter thing. The pigeon looked like it was more scared than it had ever been in it's entire life, which is probably true, since it was probably going to be dinner.

I really just can't explain the crazy and aggressive traffic here. I will do my best to the cop that has be in the backseat. I will try to explain it to the judge. No, I didn't see the stop sign. Yes, I was weaving in and out of traffic like a madman. Yes, I knew I was on the wrong s
ide of the road. Yes, your honor, I did drive through the grass and weeds to get around traffic. And no, I didn't know that was your flower bed.

ello Smiley Jim. I'm back.

So if you get a phone ca
ll from a random number, please pick up. It may be the only call I get.


Gotta love Travis's humor! lol


  1. That is absolutely hilarious in a scary way. Travis is an excellent storyteller!!! I felt like that in way when we came back from Germany. Granted they follow ALL the rules of traffic, but they drive fast! I would look down and be doing 90 on the interstate in Michigan! That doesn't go over so well! Tell Travis that you know probably the only person to lose their license for speeding on the autobahn. Hee hee hee!!!

  2. ok, I think I about pee'd in my pants! Ok, not really but that was super funny! Mike didnt know you guys had a blog and as I was reading it to him, he was in shock at how Travis got all this on Facebook! Lovely!!

  3. Hilarious! What a great writer, too!


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