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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I wrote this after finding out some bad news on Jan. 3rd. so this is me venting.

It's days like today that I hate being a military wife.

Days when you officially get the news of something that you don't want to hear but it has been lurking in the background for some time.

Days when all you want to do is stay strong for the one you love but tears keep coming out of your eyes uncontrollably.

Days when your spouse comes home with the news that they are deploying. Soon.
And to top it all off, they will more than likely be missing the birth of your first child together.


I knew what I was getting myself into when I started dating and then married a man that was entering the military but it is still so hard to accept the challenges that his job entails.

We waited 3 years for this baby and when we moved to CO for this new assignment, his unit was not scheduled to deploy.
Suddenly, everyone is pulled out of Iraq and within a week talk began to throw tons of men into Afghanistan. We knew there was a very good chance of deployment before Christmas but it has now become very real that it is happening and of course Travis' unit would be one of the units to get thrown into the mix. Which SUCKS!

He leaves the beginning of February for training and will be gone for a month.
He will then be home for about a week or so before officially deploying to Afghanistan in March.
As of right now, they are scheduled to return home early December so we'll see if that happens. I have learned quickly not to trust the military and their word.

After making it through a 15 month deployment right after we got married, I know 9 months will be nothing but I absolutely can't stop thinking about having our first child without him by my side. Not having him there to experience all the emotions of having our first baby, encouraging me, and then seeing him hold our newborn baby for the first time. And this may be selfish but I hate that there won't be a first family picture with our new baby right after it is born.
Since it is such a short deployment, he won't get R&R to try to come home for the birth. There is a small chance he can come home on emergency family leave for the birth but we won't know if that will be possible until he get there and they start their mission.

I was already nervous about having our first child with Travis here but now I am even more scared. I will be all alone in a new state very far away from family and friends where I barely know anyone. What if something bad happens? What if my parents don't make it to CO in time for the birth? Who will I now have by my side as our baby enters the world? How will it be once my family goes home and I become a single parent until he comes home?

I know people do this all the time, especially military wives, but I was truly hoping I would never have to go through it. I hate he will miss the birth. I hate he will not see his first child in real life until the baby is almost 6 mths old. I hate that he won't get to hold the baby until he comes home. I hate that he will miss some of the fun, early milestones. I hate that he will have to try to get to know our baby and watch it grow through pictures or hopefully, on a computer screen through video chat. I hate everything about this!

I know I will shed many more tears all the while trying to stay strong and just focus on bringing this baby into the world safely when it is suppose to arrive in May. Wish me luck!

So, if I disappear every so often in the next coming months, you know why.
I would greatly appreciate any prayers you are willing to give for Travis' safe return and for me as I will now be embarking into parenthood alone until he comes home.
Also, say a little prayer that he will be able to come home for the birth of Baby M!

38 comments:

  1. Thinking of you, Allison. Sometimes the military life just stinks :(

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  2. My prayers are with you Allison....so sorry for such bad timing. xoxo

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  3. Good Lord, girl, you have every right to vent! I know how scary having your first baby can be (and how "well wishers" love to scare you even more with their own stories). But here are some things to hold onto: You CAN do this. You ARE stronger than you know. You WILL see Travis hold his child for the first time. You WILL smile again. Feel free to email me at malasby@gmail.com anytime you need a boost.

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  4. I am so sorry. That does SUCK! I am praying for you, your hubby and that sweet baby. I would feel just the same way.

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  5. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I am so thankful for your husbands williness to serve. I will be praying for his safety and you and the baby. Thank you for sharing what must be a hard a difficult time. May God give you the strength to face this. God Bless you both + 1.
    Judy

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  6. SO sorry to hear that, Allison. Does your husband's group have a FRG? I would suggest meeting some of the ladies in the group so that you will have someone to call, if needed. Good luck to both of you. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  7. Oh Allison, I am so very sorry that you are going to have go through this this way now. I can only begin to imagine how you are feeling. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that he will get to be home for the birth or better yet, the deployment gets cancelled. But no matter what happens, you will get through it one day at a time.

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  8. Hang in there! I would think having him gone during the time you have your first child is going to be hard but you can't let him see you getting down over it cause chances are he is already down thinking the same thing. If he realizes how bad it is playing on you it will also make it worse for him. We are here to hear.....read you vents so have at it. Its deserved.

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  9. Ugh, Allison, this sucks! :( I hate this for you. You're a strong woman, and you've been waiting for this baby for a long time. I know you can do it by yourself for a few months!! Remember to breathe, my friend. BIG hugs!!!! Keeping my fingers crossed that Travis gets to be home for the birth.

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  10. Oh Allison. You have waited so long for this baby and I know this must be a terrible. But you can do it! And with grace. I know you can.

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  11. So sorry, Allison. :-/
    Sorry for you ... and especially your husband, who I'm sure is beside himself, having to miss the birth of his child.
    Stay strong .... you can do this!
    Thoughts and prayers to all of you ...
    Bec :-)

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  12. Oh wow Allison, I think you have the right to shed a few tears. Having a loved one in the military is a huge gift to our country, but it comes at a personal sacrifice. I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!

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  13. Sending you lots of big squeezy hugs which I know don't begin to make up for things. Will of course be keeping good thoughts in my heart and head for Travis' safe return and your continued good health and that of baby M's. This blogging stuff is fun and can be a distraction but it's not what's important and I know you know that but I think all of us w/ blogs can feel like we're letting people down if we're not present all the time. Nonsense. Be where you need to be and we'll be with you whether you feel like posting or not.

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  14. I am heartbroken for you. I can't even begin to know what life in the military is like...but I wish for you all the best! Everything will work out...
    Jo-Anna

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  15. I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband and your baby. Stay strong and reach out to people. Best wishes always.

    Shari

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  16. I know how much that sucks Allison!! I really hope something will work out for you guys and he will be able to be there for Baby M's birth!! I'll be thinking about you guys!

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  17. This post makes me so sad! But remember you will have so many people thinking about you! My thoughts are with you and your lovely little family!

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  18. I am pregnant with my third due in six weeks... When I saw this I burst into tears... A giant big fat that's not fair came outta my mouth... I know how nervous I am, we just moved here and I don't know anyone and my hubby will be gone for two weeks and I might be by myself on the delivery... I am nervous and I know what to expect etc.... So you must be nervous.... I will really keep you in my daily prayers... I will pray that he can be there... All my love

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  19. My best friend is an Army wife and she's gone through a similar thing. Her husband was deployed 2 months after their first child was born and was gone for a year. Now he just found out that he's deploying again in May (exactly a year from when he came home) and their second child is due in March. So again he will miss the first year of their second child’s life. I know from her it's not easy. But I also know from her that military wives are strong and the military community comes together to help each other out. She has made some lifelong friends with the other wives from her husband’s unit and wouldn't have made it through without them. And on the bright side he'll only miss the first 6 months or so and that's when the baby starts to become a little person. That's when the baby starts to develop relationships and he'll be home for that. So while you will definitely miss him your baby won't even know he's gone and it won't affect their relationship. But one thing my friend did is before he left they videotaped him reading stories and such that she could play them for the baby while he was gone. I wish you the best and thank you and your husband for your service to our country.

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  20. Oh, Allison, I am so sorry your husband will be deploying soon! My daughter's husband is in Afghanistan right now. He missed the birth of their baby girl, but did get to come home on leave for two weeks when she was about four months old. For now, our daughter is living with us, but she will return to Colorado in a couple of months for her husband's return. I am continually amazed by her strength. You will be amazed by your own strength during this trial. Thank you for the sacrifices your family is making!

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  21. I have been through that exact same thing. My husband is in the Navy and we got pregnant with our first baby right before he was assigned to his first ship. We thought "what are the chances that the ship will deploy before the baby is born?" Obviously we were new to the military because we quickly figured out that the chances are pretty good that things won't work out like we originally planned! LOL! He left exactly one month before my daughter was born and returned when she was almost 6 months old. My mom was planning to come out on my due date, but I had her a couple of days early so she didn't make it until about 8 hours after I gave birth. :( As hard as it was for him not to be there when she was born and experience it with me, she really started hitting all of the fun milestones...crawling, talking, walking, etc... after he came home. She pretty much just ate, slept, and pooped for the first few months anyways. :) We were lucky that he was able to be home for the birth of our second daughter though! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this too!

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  22. I'm so sorry sweetie. I know that it doesn't take away your pain, but I do hope you know that there are a lot of people in this country and in the world who are grateful for your sacrifice. You'll be in our prayers.

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  23. Allison same thing happened to me with our first child. Hubby deployed 2 weeks after we found out (not a scheduled deoyment) and wasn't expected to be home for the birth. I feel for you and know exactly what you are going through. Hang in there & hope for the best... You will be in my thoughts.

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  24. I am not envious of you, but you are a strong woman and you, your family and your husband will be OK. There are many, many firsts in a child's life and although he will miss those first few, he won't miss them all! Good luck to you, you'll do great.

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  25. Oh No, Alison! I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish I could help in some way. Your family will be in my prayers.

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  26. Oh Allison, I'm so sorry!!! I can't even begin to know how you feel. I will most defintely say some prayers and keep all three of you in my thoughts. We are so grateful for the sacrifice that you and your family give every day. {{{HUGS}}}

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  27. Allison, I'm so sorry! What an awful situation. I just wanted to stop by and give you some hugs and support.

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  28. I'm SO sorry :( That is NOT fair!! I will be praying for you guys...I so wish I lived in CO to be able to be there for you and just give you a hug!! :(

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  29. Oh Allison, that's terrible! So hoping that if nothing else he can get the emergency family leave! Hugs and prayers!

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  30. I just wanted to say that we will be praying for all 3 of you. Praying that you will have an uncomplicated delivery, a healthy baby, and a quick recovery. Praying that your husband will be safe while deployed and able to travel home to be there for the birth. Also, I wanted to say a big, huge THANK YOU for the sacrifices you and your family are making to keep all Americans safe. You are right, this is not fair, and I cant even begin to imagine how you both are feeling, but God has it all planned out, you dont need to worry :)

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  31. Oh Allison, sending some virtual hugs your way. I'd be upset, too, but YOU ARE GOING TO DO GREAT!

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  32. My heart is breaking with you and for you. My brother is a Marine and has spent most of his married and family life away from his wife and children. He was recently deployed to Afghanistan after being twice to Iraq. It takes a good strong woman to be the wife of a soldier. As being merely his sister is hard enough. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and our soldiers. Life is precious...

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  33. Allison, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers over the next year. There is no doubt you are in a difficult position but you will be a stronger person from it. Keep your head up and know there are hundreds or women (and men too, I'm sure!) that look forward to reading your blog updates and hearing the latest on your house and Baby M :) thank your husband for all he does and know your 'blog family' is always here for you!

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  34. That is so sad, although I have never been in that situation I can just imagine what it would be like. I will be thinking about you and your family.

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  35. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better or make the situation go away. I'm so sorry you guys have to go through this. I know you can do this, I will pray for extra strength for you and extra protection for him.

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  36. I'm sorry, Allison. I know God will tuck all three of you in the hollow of his hand.

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  37. Oh Allison, I teared up reading you post!! Being part of a huge miltary family I know and appreciate the sacrifices that both of you make for this country. Sending {hugs} you way!

    Donna

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