I wrote this after finding out some bad news on Jan. 3rd. so this is me venting. It's days like today that I hate being a military wife.
Days when you officially get the news of something that you don't want to hear but it has been lurking in the background for some time.
Days when all you want to do is stay strong for the one you love but tears keep coming out of your eyes uncontrollably.
Days when your spouse comes home with the news that they are deploying. Soon.
And to top it all off, they will more than likely be missing the birth of your first child together.
I knew what I was getting myself into when I started dating and then married a man that was entering the military but it is still so hard to accept the challenges that his job entails.
We waited 3 years for this baby and when we moved to CO for this new assignment, his unit was not scheduled to deploy.
Suddenly, everyone is pulled out of Iraq and within a week talk began to throw tons of men into Afghanistan. We knew there was a very good chance of deployment before Christmas but it has now become very real that it is happening and of course Travis' unit would be one of the units to get thrown into the mix. Which SUCKS!
He leaves the beginning of February for training and will be gone for a month.
He will then be home for about a week or so before officially deploying to Afghanistan in March.
As of right now, they are scheduled to return home early December so we'll see if that happens. I have learned quickly not to trust the military and their word.
After making it through a 15 month deployment right after we got married, I know 9 months will be nothing but I absolutely can't stop thinking about having our first child without him by my side. Not having him there to experience all the emotions of having our first baby, encouraging me, and then seeing him hold our newborn baby for the first time. And this may be selfish but I hate that there won't be a first family picture with our new baby right after it is born.
Since it is such a short deployment, he won't get R&R to try to come home for the birth. There is a small chance he can come home on emergency family leave for the birth but we won't know if that will be possible until he get there and they start their mission.
I was already nervous about having our first child with Travis here but now I am even more scared. I will be all alone in a new state very far away from family and friends where I barely know anyone. What if something bad happens? What if my parents don't make it to CO in time for the birth? Who will I now have by my side as our baby enters the world? How will it be once my family goes home and I become a single parent until he comes home?
I know people do this all the time, especially military wives, but I was truly hoping I would never have to go through it. I hate he will miss the birth. I hate he will not see his first child in real life until the baby is almost 6 mths old. I hate that he won't get to hold the baby until he comes home. I hate that he will miss some of the fun, early milestones. I hate that he will have to try to get to know our baby and watch it grow through pictures or hopefully, on a computer screen through video chat. I hate everything about this!
I know I will shed many more tears all the while trying to stay strong and just focus on bringing this baby into the world safely when it is suppose to arrive in May. Wish me luck!
So, if I disappear every so often in the next coming months, you know why.
I would greatly appreciate any prayers you are willing to give for Travis' safe return and for me as I will now be embarking into parenthood alone until he comes home.
Also, say a little prayer that he will be able to come home for the birth of Baby M!
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